Boundaries… I often thought that setting boundaries was a bad thing, that it would make me come across as a mean and selfish person. I often struggle to say no and when I do, I feel as if I’m letting the other person down, as if I’m being selfish towards them. I often wander what my purpose in life is, who I really am, what I really want. And I think that me not knowing who I am as a person and what I want plays a big role in me choosing to be a people pleaser, a doormat, someone who finds it so difficult to say no because “what will people think of me?”, “will I come across as selfish?”. So many things run across my mind that is often negative, that is often there because of “ego” and honestly, it’s very exhausting.
I have recently joined a Balanced Boundaries Bootcamp with Liveinspired where I’ve learnt what healthy boundaries are and how to set them. I was amazed to find out that setting boundaries isn’t a bad thing at all! Instead, it helps your mental, physical, emotional and spiritual wellbeing. Many of us have this misconception that setting boundaries is a bad thing, that it means pushing others away, being selfish or distancing yourself from others. When in actual fact, boundaries can be a good thing.
Setting boundaries is a healthy and good way to avoid conflict. It helps you say no without feeling guilty. Boundaries means taking care of yourself emotionally and physically and knowing who you are, what you believe and what you like. It doesn’t have to be set only when there is conflict or if someone is being nasty. Boundaries can be set to prevent problems from happening and to be treated as an equal.
Today I’ve asked myself, Allah has created me in a unique way with my own unique beauty, my own unique set of skills, a unique personality, a whole unique and different human! so why am I living my life trying to please others, gain acceptance from others, feel guilty when I say no…?
We live in a society where everyone wants to be someone else, with a different look, a different mindset, a different personality, different set of skills but we don’t realize that we are unique in our own ways. Allah has created us all differently with our own set of unique looks and abilities. So why live like someone else? Why live trying to please someone else?
Allah says in the Quran: “He formed you and perfected your forms and provided you with good things. That is Allah. Your Lord. Then blessed is Allah, Lord of the worlds.” [40:64] Allah has created such perfect, different and beautiful human beings. When ego takes over, we tend to distort the way we look, we change our personalities, we judge others and this is because we think that we are unworthy in the site of others and we need to gain their acceptance. We constantly have this “what will others think of me?” kind of mindset if we don’t make these changes to ourselves. This distracts you from your purpose and the reason why Allah has put you on this earth. “Peel away layers of your ego to reveal your purpose”
Today I practice… healthy boundaries
It’s not my responsibility to make sure others are responsible. It’s okay to say no. It’s okay if others get angry. No one has to agree with me. It’s my job to make me happy and figure out what brings joy to my life. It’s okay to spend time alone without explaining myself. I do not need permission to be who I am or to think what I think. Others have the right to disagree with me or get angry with me, but they do not have the right to disrespect me. I have the right to feel my feelings no matter what anyone else is feeling. I am enough. I choose me and I’ll keep choosing me!
You have these rights too. So choose yourself, choose your peace, choose your happiness because you matter! You are enough!
Be brave enough to live the life of your dreams according to your vision and purpose, instead of the expectations and opinions of others.